作者：明白 抖音网红外教
I have no right telling anyone how to raise a child. Firstly, because I don’t have children. Secondly, because I think I would be a terrible father. I lack the maturity at this point in my life.
However, I do think my parents did a good job of raising my brother and I. So today I would like to share a little bit more of how I was brought up.
I notice an interesting thing in China. I have quite a few friends. I notice that some of them always need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I notice some of them always need someone to eat dinner with. I notice some of them will always choose group travel rather than travel alone. I notice some cannot even go a day being alone without plunging into a depressed mood.
Not every Chinese person is like this, but I have to say I feel like there are more people that fit into this category in China than in Canada. More people feel they lack a sense of security.
I think there may be many reasons for this. I am definitely not an expert. However, lately I’ve been thinking it might have to do with the way we are raised. The style of raising a child in Canada and China is quite different. I’ll explain the Canadian style in the following paragraph.
In Canada, our parents shower us with praise. We are the best. Nobody is as handsome or beautiful. Nobody is as cute. Nobody is as smart. Nobody is as precious as we are to our parents. From a young age I remember being hugged, kissed, and told that I was loved multiple times a day. If I failed, I was told that I would do better next time. If I succeeded, it was because I was a wonderful kid. I remember my mom telling me, after failing a math test, that the reason I wasn’t so good at math was because I was so good at so many other things. It wasn’t fair to be too gifted!
I remember every night my mom and dad taking turns coming into my room, telling me they loved me, hugging and kissing me and making me feel as if I was to them the most important person in the world.
Now, why does this matter? Because the way we are treated when we are young has a massive affect on how we feel about ourselves as adults. So many people ask me in amazement, “how could you come to Chongqing alone? You’re so far from home! The language, food, culture... everything is so different! You don’t feel homesick?”
To be honest, I don’t feel anything. Of course I miss my parents and my brother. This is normal. However, I can spend a whole day alone in my apartment, half way around the world from my friends and family, just daydreaming or thinking about nothing at all. Why? I think because as a child I had it drilled into my head that I was special. I was capable. I was talented. I was loved. I didn’t need to be like anyone else. I was me. Being me was enough.
I don’t want to criticize China because I love China and it’s people. But one thing I’ve noticed is when raising children, many Chinese parents will often make negative comparisons. “Why aren’t you as good as your classmate?” “How come he/she did better on the test than you?”
I understand this mentality. China is a competitive place. Kids are under pressure. But criticizing kids at a very tender age has a lasting impact.
Because of the way I was raised, I always feel a sense of security. I always feel that no matter what I am loved and valued. I always feel confident in my abilities. Words matter. Especially the words we use when we talk to impressionable young minds.
Do you think there’s a link between being loved and cherished as a child and having confidence and a sense of belonging no matter where you go? Do you think there is a link between when as a child always hearing “he/she is better than you” and having low self esteem as an adult?
If I had to give advice to a young parent, I would say tell your child they are amazing, tell them you love them, tell them they deserve good things in life. Hug them. Kiss them. Make them know they are loved. Because this could be the difference between always having a sense of doubt and a lack of confidence as an adult or flourishing as an adult who believes in themselves and can be successful and happy even in the face of life’s adversities.
I’d love to hear your opinions! Make sure to leave a comment!
声明：标题是我给明白加的，他只是在讲故事，没有说谁好谁坏，喷子冲我来，跟他无关。---Alex
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